So, it’s before 6AM and I am out of bed. Once upon a time I might still be up from a fun night out with friends. Over the last few years another reason was probably taking care of an infant. Ideally, the reason I would rise before the sun is because I would like to be getting in a workout before the day really starts. The reality is, I am awake because I don’t feel good.
I haven’t shared with a lot of people how I have felt lately. Primarily I haven’t talked about it much because I really TRY to be a positive person, not complain, count my blessings…you know, all that happy happy joy joy stuff. My husband could tell you a different story as he knows the full truth. Over the last couple of months I have had more bad days than good unfortunately. Most days, I consider it a serious accomplishment if I can straighten up the house AND make dinner while keeping the kids entertained the best I can throughout the day. I have just plain been exhausted. I kept trying to tell myself that it was because I had two small kids and that’s just what moms go through…right? Finally, after a few sessions of tears to my husband, I decided to go to the doctor.
As I told her what I was experiencing, she felt she could diagnose me right on the spot. She strongly felt I had hypothyroidism. You can click here http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/hypothyroidism/DS00353/DSECTION=symptoms to see symptoms. Literally, reading this list, I was like…YEP, that’s definitely it. She told me she would put me on medication that would make me feel like a whole new person. I strongly dislike pharmaceuticals, but if it was going to make me feel better, I was game! Then I get the call…my blood test was fine. My thyroid looked good. What the what? Here is where I SHOULD feel relief, right? Hooray…I am NOT sick! Unfortunately, this is not the emotion I felt. I was discouraged. Of course, I very much want to be well and healthy. However, I want to know why I feel this way. I want an explanation.
Another thing I discussed with my doctor is how having babies can change everything for a woman. Conditions can be brought on postpartum, even up to a year later. I guess (because women have babies everyday), I don’t think about how much a female body goes through to have a child. I also recently weaned my daughter which she said can cause hormonal shifts. If you are a mommy and you breastfed, you already know weaning can bring on different emotions. To find out that it can screw with my body to NOT do it anymore is slightly discouraging.
So, at this point I have no answers. When the nurse called me she said it sounds like I could have a gall bladder problem. This makes me shudder because it was when my mom had her gall bladder out that they discovered her cancer had spread to her liver and that was the pathway to the end of her life. (sorry, I know that sounded overdramatic but that was my first thought) I have an initial appointment with a GI doctor this week in the next steps to finding out what could be causing some internal aches and pains I have been having.
All I want is an answer. There have been two other times in my life where I KNEW something was wrong. I am in tune with my body. Both times, the doctor thought I was crazy when I first went to them saying something was wrong. I was too young they said…it couldn’t be anything too complicated. Both times ended up in major surgery. One time I had a myomectomy (removing 10 uterine cysts) and the other time I had a parathyroidectomy (yeah, try saying that three times fast). I had a parathyroid removed which controls calcium levels in the body.
I just want to feel myself again! When I have a good day, I think…holy cow, I feel amazing. My focus lately has been just taking the best care I can of my girls and getting plenty of sleep. I don’t do much else these days. I hope this changes soon. I want to have my energy levels back to what they were. I have been overwhelmed with how this has all affected me and to be honest, it just sucks (wish I had a better word, but that’s the only way to sum it up). My mind WANTS more than my body can give me right now. I have chosen to listen to my body until I feel strong enough to tell it to shut-up.
If you are reading this and have struggled with anything similar, I would like to hear what the end result was. Sometimes it’s comforting to simply know you are not alone.
One day at a time…that’s what I keep telling myself.
